Uncategorized

The Elements of Happiness

We all love lists don’t we?

They rock because we humans enjoy structure and order. Our brains are lazy so if it can apply a model to real life it saves processing time. Models and lists — that’s how we structure our lives.

Here’s a list of six things that make us happy.

They are the core values of a tiny watch brand called Gloriousdays.

1. Freedom

Free to be where you want, when you want. Free to do what you want and do it your way. In work settings this means autonomy. In relationships it means finding the balance between me-time and us-time. Freedom is to do what makes sense to you. No more and no less.

2. Progress

See life as a project. Or a game. What makes a project successful and a game enjoyable is not to finish it but the progress that takes place within its boundaries. Celebrate achievements, big and small, and remember that failure is also progress. What’t the opposite of success? Failure? No. It’s not trying.

3. Belonging

We all need to feel part of something to be happy. Personal relationships are part of belonging, as is belonging to a group or culture. It’s the opposite of being lonely. Belonging also creates purpose which is a big part of happiness. Purpose is to contribute to something bigger which can’t be done if you don’t belong.

4. Health

Your body is your temple. Treat it with respect, but don’t be afraid of using it in any way you can. Eat well, exercise and protect your skin from too much sun. A healthy body and a strong heart alone will not make you happy but they will support you on your lifelong journey.

5. Nature

Humans have a deeply rooted connection to nature and being surrounded by it makes us feel better on so many levels. Whether you ride the waves of the Pacific or keep a plant on your desk, the presence of nature is key to wellbeing and happiness.

6. Pleasure

Happiness of the moment e.g. experiencing flow, being mindful, having sex, listening to music, eating good food. Feeding the senses creates short term happiness. Treat it as the final spice to an already great meal, as it will feel hollow without the long term elements.

And then what?

All of these elements have been empirically or scientifically proved to increase wellbeing, fulfillment and happiness. Obviously these are very high level, which makes them practically useless in actually implementing them in your life. Rather use them as areas of your life in which you can set up more practical guidelines for your personal happiness.

If you need help with the more granular stuff, or just want some further reading:

For happiness at work, read Drive by Daniel H. Pink

For the scientific approach to happiness, read Eric Barker’s blog posts e.g. this one or this one.

For honest and unconventional life advice, check out James Altucher and Mark Manson.

What I haven’t included in this list (maybe I will one day) is the practise of gratitude and compassion, two recurring topics in the literature of happiness. If that’s your thing, get some advice from the Dalai Lama himself.

What I learnt from taking 3 months off work

In the summer of 2015 I decided to not work.

It was the first attempt to implement my ideal work-life balance of ’3 months work, 1 month break’ cycles. But because the summer was coming up and I had loads of plans, I scheduled in two months worth of trips instead of one, which in the end turned out to be three months off (coming back home it actually took me close to four weeks to update my portfolio, arrange interviews and land a contract).

Three months is not a long time off, but for someone with two weeks as his longest one-stretch break it’s long enough to experience some new sensations that weren’t quite what I had in mind when I left work in June.

Routine provides structure

During this period I didn’t have access to a gym, which usually is the cornerstone in my weekly routine. I didn’t have to wake up early and go to work, and I didn’t have to plan my weeks in any way other than keeping my flight schedule in mind.

Any ambitions of doing morning yoga and go for a run whenever I was home were quickly lost. Waking up early to get shit done followed the same destiny. I can only conclude that my willpower isn’t enough to keep my healthy habits. And without my healthy habits I’m not the best I can be.

Routine is this boring thing that we can’t be without. Some of the most influential creatives credit their success to routine, and personally I got to experience the importance of routine when I suddenly neglected it.

I love random, but I realise that I need routine in order to create space for ’structured chaos’.

Everyone else carries on

Here’s something I hadn’t considered although it sounds awfully obvious. Just because I had a lot of time and could do what ever I wanted it didn’t mean my friends could. They were obviously working as usual Monday to Friday, so if I for instance wanted to go kitesurfing on a Wednesday I had to do it by myself.

Same thing with just meeting up to hang out. Sure, but it would have to wait until 6pm. The week days I spent in London could be quite lonely due to the fact that I didn’t work so I didn’t see any colleagues, but I couldn’t see my friends either because they were all at work.

The weekend excitement goes away

Weekends are cool, because that’s when you can let loose, stay up late, have a lie-in, enjoy a lazy breakfast. It’s your reward after a week of hard work. But if you don’t work, the weekend looses its value.

I did all of the above every day (maybe I shouldn’t have but as mentioned, my willpower didn’t last that long) so there were no sense of reward. Days just floated into each other and in a way my time became less precious. A pretty sad sensation.

Being in the moment is hard

The points above mainly refers to my time back in London, but I also discovered one thing about jumping from trip to trip. It was hard to enjoy the moment. I would catch myself being on a beautiful island in the Finish archipelago, or relaxing after a perfect day of kitesurfing counting down the days until my next adventure (that would be even more awesome than the one I was currently in). All my trips that summer were great in their own ways. But lining them up one after the other made it hard to focus on the moment.

What will I do differently next time?

Sounds like I had a terrible time this summer? Actually not at all. I had a great time and I’ll do it again, but keeping these points in mind should make it even more enjoyable.

1. Don’t cram in too much

So maybe I got a bit excited with my newly gained freedom, booking in 3 trips back to back, and a bunch of weekend trips to follow. The idea is to take one long holiday, 4–6 weeks in more or less the same place (I think traveling by car within a country is still ok). That way I should be able to really get into the groove instead of rushing through life without seeing the beauty I’m surrounded with.

2. If at home, have a mission

Staying home without work is closely coupled with weekends. Weekends mean relaxation. But this can’t be the case if you’re at home for more than a week. Get up early, get excited and build that thing that you’ve ben thinking about for a long time. No such thing in mind? Then there’s always the chance to be a tourist in your own city.

3. Create routines and rewards

Rewards only feel good if you’ve deserved them. And in order to deserve something you’ve got to work for it. You know it’s better for you in the long run, so get into the habit of healthy routine and don’t forget to reward yourself when you’ve stuck to it.

What happened when I left my job and started my own company

Here’s an old post from 2015, just after I had left the safe haven of permanent employment. Probably the best thing I’ve ever done for my professional and personal development.

Life is funny.

In hindsight it always feels like the events that shaped your life happened in the most natural way, and it’s hard to picture any other outcome. But change only one parameter and I could still be stuck on autopilot doing what we humans do best; dreaming and procrastinating.

Takeaway for the 1-minute man: Trust your heart and act on it. Don’t wait.

I was stuck.

Not in a bad life at all which made it even harder to break loose. I was stuck in my comfortable, but static lifestyle as a well-paid UX designer in London and I was realising more and more that I wasn’t pursuing what I really wanted — being my own boss. Ruling over my own time, setting my own objectives. Leaving internal politics and performance reviews behind.

I wasn’t sure where I’d end up but it had to be done. Gotta go before it stops making sense. Realising dreams is tough enough, but creating them is arguably even harder. There will always be a bittersweet undertone when you think back on the dream that you had but lost. Lost not because you didn’t achieve it, but because you never tried and eventually genuinely lost interest in it. That’s a dream truly lost.

But then everything changed.

One event after the other took place which made me seriously question my work place. I felt neglected and treated unfairly by my manager, all while I was working unpaid overtime to meet seemingly unreachable quarterly objectives.

Having a good manager is key for your well-being at work, and in my case having a poor manager was key in making the decision to move on from an otherwise great company. For me this wasn’t about changing manager, or team, or company. It was the catalyst I’d been waiting for to take the first leap towards my dream.

London is good in that if you’re in product development and have a decent CV/portfolio it doesn’t take long to find a job. Knowing this, it wasn’t too nerve-wracking to set up my own design consultancy service and start the preparations for my leave.

I handed in my notice just before christmas and agreed to stay until the end of January for a proper handover to my colleagues. Everybody kept asking me where I was heading, to which I could only reply — I don’t know.

I honestly had no idea where I’d end up for my first gig since design contractors are usually hired with only a few weeks notice. But in my head a plan had started to crystallise.

3 months work, 1 month off-time (to travel, work on a hobby project or whatever I felt like) x 3 = A year. Repeat. That was the basic formula. And it was all possible to the new landscape I was entering as a contractor.

Three days after leaving my old company I had a new gig.

It was only four weeks long, but it was a start. The same day I finished that quick assignment the agency asked me if I wanted to extend the contract. So I did. I worked my way into June, said thank you and took two months off.

And here I am, enjoying my longest summer break since my school days. I have no clue what contract I’ll find in August when I’m coming back, and it doesn’t concern me the slightest. Now is time for reflection, personal projects and relaxation. I’m sure I’ll find something exiting and challenging in August to take me through Autumn, before it’s time for the next break.

I’m trying not to brag too much about it when I meet my friends, but this is honestly the best thing I’ve done in a long time and I can’t see any downsides to this work – and life upgrade.

I was lucky enough to get the catalyst I needed. It wasn’t pleasant at the time but it was exactly what I needed to get going. Not everyone is that lucky.

People always give you this advice. You’ve heard it, and you’ll hear it again.

Because it’s a big deal. So here it is, once again:

If you’re not happy with your life as it stands you better get your ass up and change things, because time is your most precious asset and you’re wasting it.

Yes, loss aversion is built into all of us but you should really listen to that inner voice screaming You only regret the things you didn’t do! and trust that life WILL turn out for the better.

I did it, and so can you.